16 February 2010

Attention Catholics: Step It Up This Lent!

I hate regret.

Why hold back, ya' know?

I've always tried being a good person and leading a good life and speaking both my mind and my heart.

Now those of you that somewhat know me will tell others that I do one of these a whole lot better than I do the other.

And those of you that truly know me, that truly are my people, will tell the rest of you to fuck off because women, swearing and beer have never really hurt anybody all that bad.

Have they?

Anyways, my point is that I lead life to the fullest and regret nothing (Well...almost nothing. Lord knows I'm no perfectionist nor do I try to be (rolls eyes).). We're on this earth for far too short of a time to have coulda-woulda-shoulda's running through our pretty little heads, right?

Which leads me to this point: what is up with people sacrificing the most absurd and insignificant things for Lent. In my eyes, someone giving up, for instance, ice cream for forty days shows me one of two things: 1.) They regret the fact that they eat ice cream in whichever quantity they eat it in, and 2.) They are morally and emotionally flawless and giving up ice cream is a way for them not to feel so left out at Easter time.

Now if you fit into category one, I have a word of advice for you: RELAX! The Ben and Jerry's will not harm you if you eat it in moderation. In fact...this is bullshit. Unless you sit at home everyday and practically choke yourselves into a whole-milk coma eating Funky Monkey and Half Baked, then you probably should give up ice cream for Lent; however, I don't think this is the case.

In fact, I think that category one should only be applied to substance abusers. So if this applies to you, lay off the meth, put down the crack, and take a forty day vacation from the blow. Enjoy!

If, however, you fit into category two, well...(trying to put this delicately) YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT! I think every single one of you has something morally and/or emotionally destructive you could give up instead Pepsi or Snickers or pizza. Self-loathing? Hate? Holding on to unrequited love? Lust? Immaturity? Racism? Neglect? Narcissism?

I think these are all good starts, don't you?

So I close by challenging you, my Catholic and Christian friends who believe in challenging yourselves in order to fulfill your Godly duties, to give up something on more of a larger and more meaningful scale this Lent. If not eating Frosted Flakes is your grand and meaningful idea of giving up something for God, then so be it. But I know that if you thought about the idea of sacrifice along with yourselves, you would be able to come up with something a little bit more profound, don't you? Spread those wings and fly for greatness. Shoot for the moon; if you fail then you'll be amongst the stars. And all sorts of crap like that!

Hell, I'll even join you. I do solemnly swear not to have a single drink, even Guinness and Yeungling, during Lent.

Wait, St. Patrick's Day falls during Lent. I do have the Legends Charity Breakfast to think about. Don't want to disappoint the gang. They're counting on me to make green eggs...and drink all that beer that I often drink around St. Patrick's Day. Arthur Guinness would probably smite me from heaven. And I don't want to sound like a hypocrite with the whole "giving up something more meaningful" schtick

Let's try this again.

I do solemnly swear to not write long-winded diatribes (that most people don't actually read) telling others how to live their lives to the fullest and be more heartfelt and sincere with what they plan to take a break from for any given forty day period.

Damn...I'm no good at this.